On the Road to Baptism

Here's the account leading up to my son's baptism, as posted on the former ChristianForums.com on June 20, 2007.

In the three years leading up to this Saturday's baptism, David had confessed to me that he wasn't sure he even believed in God because he liked "science", didn't understand who the Lord was ("is God the Lord, or is Jesus the Lord?"), didn't believe in miracles, and if he did go to church, he would like to attend a church where they clap and sing a lot, like the one he attended with his previous foster home, because it was "fun."

I told him the story of the little boy whose mother I handed $20.00 to on the beach WAY back in 1999 and told her to take her little boy to do something fun (they were just sitting there with dirty faces watching all the tourists having such a good time). When he realized that he was that boy, and that five years later we would be "formally" introduced, then we'd become father and son. (I challenged him to find a scientist who could create something like THAT in a test tube!) We then began to talk about other ways--through what some people would refer to as coincidence--God works in our lives every single day. All good things come from God, and David agreed that it's a big world, and we're lucky to have found each other in it.

Just over a year ago, I took him to my Orthodox parish with me and simply asked him not to judge us, as we were not judging him. I didn't even make him tuck in his dress shirt. I just told him to wear nicer clothes. If he had any questions, he could ask after Divine Liturgy, where we would also have access to our priest. I simply asked that he be respectful as not to distract the focus of others, and to only participate as much or as little as he felt comfortable with. He followed along in the book, and soon had begun to understand what was happening and what would happen next, but he had no interest in Sunday school and was not interested in getting to know the other children. He referred to the members of our parish as "those Orthodox people," and insisted that he didn't want to be like "them."

We went every Sunday, participated in social events outside of church, volunteered with the Men's Group, assisted with charity and community service events, and never skipped a beat. Before long, he was spending coffee hours hanging out with his newfound friends.

In November, we found out he had a new biological baby brother who was born with cancer, so began lighting candles together in the Narthex. We continue to do this together, side-by-side, every Sunday. His biological mother has also joined us for Divine Liturgy, where David was able to participate in Orthodox worship--for the first time in his life--with two parents.

At the Adoption Service Father conducted to bless the union of our new family in December, when David, neatly dressed with his shirt tucked in, faced me in front of our parish, and crossed himself for the first time. I was so proud of him for taking the next step on his own, and couldn't thank him enough for how reverent he was during this entire service, which, for me, meant the end of nearly three years of foster care, court dates, social workers, and lawyers, and the beginning of life as his forever father. For us, it was the equivalent of a new family's 40-day service. It also placed our priest firmly as our family's spiritual Father, to whom we could both turn to for guidance. At coffee hour, we were hard-pressed to find a member of our new church family that hadn't been overcome by the beauty and sanctity of the Orthodox Service for the Adoption of a Child. I still get choked up when I think about the end of the service, where Father included a line for David to repeat after him: "Today you have begotten me. Today I am your son."

He began entertaining the younger children (our priest's family, included) when there were no older children there to "hang out" with, and soon became very much a part of our blossoming youth group. When an opportunity to participate in the St. John Chrysostom Oratorical Festival came up, he expressed an interest to his Sunday School teacher, who reminded him that the first requirement of the festival was that it was open only to Orthodox Christians, and that he had not been baptized. In a conversation with her at coffee hour she admitted "That might have been a little manipulative on my part, but I wanted him to hear it that way."

I love my church family and how even they were subtly ministering to my son. No longer was his baptism a "want" of mine. David was being shown that--in so many ways--this was a "need."

For Great Lent this year, he asked me if he could participate, and to what degree. Because he is just hitting that first major growth spurt into his teenage years, I met with our priest to see how he would suggest that David proceed. He followed Father's instructions all through lent, never once breaking his fast. At Pascha, his eyes were opened. I had prepared him on how to respond to the Greek "Christos Anesti," and let him know that he would be hearing it a LOT.

Following Sunday's service, as sleepy as we were from Saturday's late night, we went to lunch after church where we reviewed how much had gone on since Friday (I let him know that there was the rest of Holy Week that we missed, and that I hope to participate next year). I asked if he understood the three services we had attended and if he had become comfortable with the Orthodox faith (he was now referring to "WE" when he referred to the members of our parish). I told him he'd come a long way and made so many new friends at the youth activities, and could possibly become a leader in the youth group as it continues to grow... and that the church had so much more to offer him in the coming years... but "You need to get baptized."

There it was. I threw it out there. I popped the question on Pascha (Easter).

He looked up at me, nodded, and simply said, "I know."

"Are you ready for me to talk to Father about setting a date?"

He nodded. I kissed him on the forehead, told him how much I loved him, then called the priest to begin narrowing down the dates.

On June 23, 2007, God willing, he will be baptized as Demetrios (The Orthodox Church venerates St. Demetrios on 10/26, the day I got word that adoption was final).